Use the Word Suicide: Why Naming It Matters

Neal Tricarico · July 22, 2026 · 7 min read

Neal Tricarico explains why saying the word suicide matters, drawing on his son Anthony's senior project and the research showing that naming suicide plainly reduces stigma, invites honest conversation, and makes help-seeking possible.

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We must say the word suicide. Openly, plainly, with the same voice we use for any other cause of death, because the silence around the word does not protect anyone and it does not make the pain smaller. It only makes the pain lonelier.

TL;DR

Saying the word suicide reduces stigma, opens the door to honest connection, and makes it possible for people to seek help. Anthony did his senior project on this exact truth, and he was right.

Why say the word suicide?

My son Anthony did his senior project on suicide. He stood in front of a room of his peers and teachers, opened a conversation most people would rather walk past, and insisted that we name this thing by its real name. He was eighteen years old and already understood what most adults still get wrong: you cannot help what you will not name.

I have thought about that senior project more in the last two years than I can count. At the time I was proud of him. Now, looking back through the lens of everything that happened after, I see it for what it really was. He was not just doing an assignment. He was putting his own experience into words, asking the room to see something he carried, and telling the rest of us how to show up.

The mental health community has been saying this for years. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention teaches that avoiding the word perpetuates the stigma of suicide and indicates moral judgment where there should be compassion instead AFSP safe messaging guidelines. The research backs this up: stigma is one of the strongest barriers to help-seeking, and reducing stigma through honest, non-judgmental language can literally save lives Cambridge scoping review on suicide-related stigma and help-seeking.

What did Anthony's senior project argue?

Anthony's project was simple in the way that real truths are simple. He argued that refusing to say the word suicide does not make it less real. It makes it less survivable for the people left behind.

When you tiptoe around the word, you send a message without meaning to. You say: this death is different. This death belongs in a category we cannot talk about. This death is shameful. That message lands on the people who are already carrying the heaviest weight, and it adds to it.

I know because I felt it. In the early weeks after Anthony died, I learned very quickly which people could say the word and which people could not. The ones who could look me in the eye and say "I am so sorry about Anthony's suicide" were the ones I could breathe around. The ones who could only manage "what happened" or "the tragedy" or worse, nothing at all, were the ones I had to perform okayness for, and I had no energy left for that performance.

Language shapes who can come close and who has to stay at a distance. Saying suicide gives permission for the real conversation to begin.

How does silence protect the stigma, not the survivor?

Silence feels safe. It feels like discretion, like care, like not wanting to upset anyone. But when we are silent about suicide, we are not protecting the survivor. We are protecting ourselves from discomfort. We are protecting the illusion that this does not happen, or that it only happens to certain kinds of families, or that saying the word might somehow cause the thing itself.

Research consistently tells us the opposite is true. Open, compassionate conversations about suicide reduce risk. Talking about it does not plant the idea. Naming it opens the door for someone who is suffering to say "me too" or "I need help" Relias: Suicide Language. The silence is what keeps people isolated with thoughts they are too afraid to name out loud.

I think about the person sitting in the back of Anthony's classroom during his presentation. The one who went home that night and maybe, for the first time, felt seen. The one who heard an eighteen-year-old say the word suicide without flinching and thought: maybe I can say it too. Anthony gave that gift to a room full of people at seventeen and eighteen years old. He gave it to me. I am trying to give it to you now.

What changes when a family names it plainly?

When a family says the word, the air in the room changes. It stops being something whispered. It becomes something that can be carried together.

In our house, we say suicide. We say Anthony died by suicide. We say March 24 was the suicide and May 25 was the passing. I have written about why both dates matter, and about what those nine weeks in between did to a family. Using both dates deliberately, with both truths held, is how we tell the whole story without flinching and without sensationalizing anything. It is how we keep Anthony at the center of the story instead of letting the manner of his death erase the person he was.

The clinical guidance on this is clear. Mental health researchers at UAB's Depression and Suicide Center emphasize that phrases like "died by suicide" are factual, neutral, and compassionate, removing judgment and encouraging support UAB Heersink School of Medicine on suicide language. We do not say "committed suicide" because Anthony did not commit a crime. He died from a mental health condition that he fought every day, and the language we use should honor that fight, not add judgment to it.

How do you say it with care, not detail?

There is a difference between naming the death and describing the death. I do not describe the death. The AFSP safe messaging guidelines are very clear on this: do not include details about lethal means or the method used AFSP safe messaging guidelines. That kind of detail does not help anyone and it can harm people who are struggling.

What helps is naming the fact of the death plainly, without flinching, and then talking about the person. The life. The love. What we learned. Anthony was a young man who loved deeply, who thought deeply, who chose to do his senior project on suicide because he wanted to change how people talked about it. That is the story I carry. Saying the word suicide is how I keep the door open for that story.

The word itself is not dangerous. Refusing to say it is. The work of finding a way forward after losing a child to suicide starts with being able to name what happened without shame, and that is a door the right language can open.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it "died by suicide" and not "committed suicide"?

Yes. "Committed" carries the historical weight of suicide as a crime or a sin. "Died by suicide" is neutral, factual, and compassionate. It treats suicide as a health outcome, not a moral failing. The American Psychological Association and every major mental health organization recommend this language PMC: Choosing appropriate language to reduce stigma.

Why does the word matter so much?

The words we use shape whether people feel safe enough to talk about what they are carrying. Stigma is a measurable barrier to help-seeking, and language is one of the most direct tools we have for reducing it McMaster University: Language matters in preventing suicide. When you say suicide plainly, you signal that this is a conversation you are willing to have, and that signal can be the difference between someone reaching out and someone staying silent.

Where do survivors get support?

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at afsp.org offers resources for loss survivors, including support groups, a directory of therapists, and guidance on navigating the first days and years. If you are in crisis or just need someone to talk to, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You are not alone and help is always available.