March 24 was his suicide, May 25 was his passing
· · 7 min read
After his son Anthony's suicide on March 24 and death nine weeks later on May 25, Neal Tricarico learned that deliberately naming both dates helps survivors hold the full truth and speak about suicide with less stigma.
People sometimes ask me why I say two different things about two different dates. March 24 is when I say my son died by suicide. May 25 is when I say he passed. I do this not to be precise for its own sake, but because using both dates deliberately tells the whole story.
TL;DR
Two dates carry two truths: the suicide and the passing. Using both deliberately tells the whole story of what happened to Anthony, reduces the stigma that keeps people from talking about suicide, and models for survivors that the hardest fact does not have to become the only fact.
Why distinguish the suicide from the passing?
When Anthony died, I had to figure out what to say to people. Every conversation was a choice: tell the whole truth, or protect them from it.
Early on, I merged both dates. "He passed in May." It was easier. But when I only said "he passed," a whole truth went unspoken, and the silence became its own weight. Research confirms that suicide loss survivors carry unique burdens -- guilt, confusion, and stigma PMC. Leaving the suicide unspoken does not lighten those burdens. It just leaves you carrying them alone, on a path where growth and grief coexist rather than trade places PTG is not closure.
The distinction is not splitting hairs. March 24 was the suicide -- the event that hospitalized Anthony and began the nine weeks my family spent in a hospital vigil The nine weeks nobody talks about. May 25 was his passing. Both are true. Neither cancels the other.
What does each date hold?
March 24 holds the phone call, the hospital, the moment everything split into before and after. It holds the acute crisis, the first hours when you cannot tell whether you are breathing in or out.
May 25 holds the silence. The first breath I took in a world without my son. It is the grief that settled in and stayed -- not a wound that closes, but a weight that becomes familiar.
The nine weeks between were the in-between -- a suspended country where time bent and our family reorganized around a hospital room. The dates anchor the whole thing. Without naming both, the in-between disappears.
Why does naming both matter for survivors?
When I talk to other loss survivors, I hear the same thing: people do not know what to call what happened. They say "he's gone" or "we lost him." They say everything except the word suicide, because the word feels radioactive. I understand that instinct. For months, I could barely say it.
But the silence around the word is more radioactive than the word itself. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is clear: avoiding clear language deepens stigma AFSP. Saying "died by suicide" acknowledges reality without judgment, making it safe for survivors to speak honestly.
Naming two dates gives survivors room to breathe. When I say "March 24 was the suicide and May 25 was the passing," I am telling people there is more to this story than the worst moment. There was a person, a vigil, the hardest nine weeks of my life. Reducing it to one date erases almost everything that happened. And if you are in the earliest days of a loss like this, wondering whether any forward movement is possible, I have written about what the first steps actually look like when the will to act is absent Finding a way forward after suicide loss.
How does this language reduce stigma?
Stigma is why people lower their voice when they say suicide. It is why survivors get fewer calls than someone grieving a car accident. It is why so many of us carry a loss we cannot fully name.
Language is one of the few tools we have to push back. When I say "died by suicide," I am refusing to treat suicide as unspeakable. Research confirms that precise language reduces shame and isolation for survivors SPRC.
There is a practical side. When I use clear language in public, I give others permission to use it in private. I hear from survivors who showed their spouse one of my posts because they did not know how to explain what they felt. That is what reducing stigma looks like -- a real conversation that could not have happened before.
How do you hold two anniversaries?
I do not have a single answer. Some years March 24 hits harder. Some years May 25 does. Some years both arrive like a freight train and I clear my calendar and let them pass.
What I have learned is that holding two dates is about giving yourself permission to mark them differently. March 24 is quieter -- acknowledging the event, the crisis, the split. May 25 is more about absence and remembrance. I do not have a ritual to prescribe. But naming both dates, even just to myself, keeps the whole story intact.
Posttraumatic growth is not about closure or "moving on" Boulder Crest. It is about growing around the loss. Naming two dates instead of one is a small piece of that growth -- not a resolution, but a practice. A way of being honest, every year, about what actually happened.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between the two dates?
March 24 was the day Anthony attempted suicide and was hospitalized. May 25 was the day he died. Nine weeks passed between them. Each date carries a different weight. I name both because both are true.
Is it correct to say "died by suicide"?
Yes. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, NIMH, and every major prevention organization recommend "died by suicide" as the accurate, non-stigmatizing phrase AFSP. Stigmatizing language treats suicide as a moral failing and deepens survivor shame.
Where can survivors find crisis support?
If you are in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day 988 Lifeline. For ongoing support, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers peer support, Healing Conversations with trained volunteers, and a directory of local support groups AFSP Loss Resources. You do not have to walk this alone.
Can you really grow after a suicide loss?
Yes, though growth and grief coexist rather than replacing each other. Posttraumatic growth is the measurable experience of positive change some people report after trauma -- deeper relationships, greater personal strength, changed priorities Boulder Crest. It is built in small steps over years, not declared in a breakthrough.
Why do the words we use about suicide matter?
Words shape whether survivors feel safe being honest about their loss, and whether people in crisis feel safe reaching for help. Avoiding clear language deepens shame. Using "died by suicide" reduces both AFSP. It is one of the simplest ways to push back against the stigma that keeps suicide silent.